What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
