I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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