My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
