How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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