omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
