my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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