Pappa wants mamma naked
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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