My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The air was thick with penises
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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