I swear she didn't look like that last week.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
