I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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