you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
well most of my day revolves around power hour
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
