Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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