i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
