are you so shy because you have an std?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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