Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
