You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize