Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
