Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
