I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
