Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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