im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
