Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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