it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
