So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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