She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
