Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
