So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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