PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
