If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
