Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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