i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
