i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize