You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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