Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
