Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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