im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
