im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
