On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
