Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
