I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
