3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
