So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
