I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Randomize
