my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
