Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
