Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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