His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
