You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
