She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
