Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
