i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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