I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
