GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
