Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
