This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
