I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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