And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
