I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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