No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
