Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
