Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
