me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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