When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
