I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Oh god it's open bar.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
