why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
