I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
