I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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