he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
