It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
