i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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