It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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