i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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