He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
