Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she told me i tasted like america
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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