ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
