how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
