it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
