i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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