He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
