If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
bring money and cleavage
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize