Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
