Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
