I wish I only lived at night.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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