I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
